show biz bizza

A Documentary on ShowBiz Pizza's Rocka-fire Explosion Animatronic Band

By Brian Lam, Jul 4, 2008 04:45 PM

Faithful readers will know I am not even close to finished exploiting my painful job experiences at the Chuck E. Cheese in the Bergen Mall for Gizmodo fodder. God I hate that place. When I was growing up, the cooler place to be with way better pizza and far better games was ShowBiz Pizza. ShowBiz also had another advantage: this terrifying but captivating animitronic musical band called Rocka-fire Explosion, which is the subject of this documentary. I am watching it, and lighting a candle in remembrance. And Fuck Chuck E. Cheese. [Youtube via BoingBoing's David

the masig view
Fuck Chuck E. Cheese and fuck ShowBiz Pizza. Oooh, robot gorillas and robot dogs. Please. Robot bears playing hillbilly instruments. That's what I'm talking about.
Without a doubt, the greatest robot animals of all time were the Country Bear Jamboree.
There was of course Henry, who headed the band. He sometimes wore a park ranger's hat and an "old camp t-shirt". Do you know why he wore people clothes? Because he ate the people.
Then there was "Liver Lips" McGrowl who has very large lips. Don't tell him that. The last person who did is now missing most of the flesh from his face. He's also an Elvis impersonator, and a damned good one. I say that because I don't want him to eat me.
There's also Wendell on mandolin. He has a massive overbite and buck teeth. He is still very dangerous and ate five kids in the last month before they shut down the attraction.
There's Teddi Barra who rides on her swing, which is decorated with pink roses. She is a brown bear and wears a blue hat with a pink feather as well as a long pink boa around her neck. She dresses like a blind transsexual, but if you don't compliment her "fashion sense", she'll maul you.
Ernest is a brown bear who plays the fiddle. He wears a derby and a red polka-dot bowtie around his neck. Ordinarily, only young boys should wear bow ties, but, given the blood on Ernest's claws, I make an exception for him.
Then there's Terrence (aka Shaker), a tall bear with tan fur who wears a miner's cap and plays the guitar. The miner's cap makes me think that companies used to employ him as a strikebreaker. If you were staring at a snarling bear, would you still picket?
Big Al- Big Al is the fattest bear. He is grey with a light grey belly and wears a tan hat and a red vest. He plays an always out-of-tune guitar. That's because he uses it to bludgeon people.
There is also the Sun Bonnet Trio and Gomer who never sings but instead plays his piano, which has a honeycomb on top of it. He is considered Henry's right-hand bear. He is tall and brown and wears a collar with a blue tie.
I think that one of them played the jug and another played the washboard. It doesn't really matter because invariably, some tot would yell out how s/he wanted a stuffed teddy bear, which would send the robot bears off the deep end in a homicidal rage. Don't ask me why Disney kept the attraction open so long; personally, I think he secretly hated the customers.